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She had to swipe right, and I certainly had not become Asian overnight. One night of flirting could hardly undo years of assumptions she had embraced about what is desired.

I had never connected so deeply in one date as I had with her and felt thwarted by forces beyond my control. We’re made to confront our preferences and prejudices, whether they be about appearance, race, body shape, intelligence or anything else. Then, almost as quickly as she had stepped away, she turned around and, with a sly smile, planted another kiss on my lips.

Even though society views us as the same, Sarah grew up thinking being different was a weakness while I grew up thinking different was a strength. “Because my friends dared me to go on one date with an Asian guy. I realize how horrible this sounds, but I guess I, too, feed into the Asian stereotype.”We were standing awfully close to each other. Celine, the female lead, talks about how when we’re young, we believe there will be many people we’ll connect with, and how only when we’re older do we realize it happens only a few times.

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We’d both spent time on the football field — she in the marching band, I as a strong safety.There were no all-Asian boy bands like BTS gracing the cover of Time and winning over American teenagers on “Saturday Night Live.”With Sarah’s admission, the last nine minutes of our date undid the previous nine hours.You hear stories of people being catfished by fake online profiles.That Sarah was open to examining those assumptions (even encouraging and helping me to write about them) was another quality that drew me to her.Andrew Lee is a venture capital investor at Initialized Capital in San Francisco. To hear Modern Love: The Podcast, subscribe on i Tunes or Google Play Music. Continue following our fashion and lifestyle coverage on Facebook (Styles and Modern Love), Twitter (Styles, Fashion and Weddings) and Instagram.

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