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The gathering was of mixed age, ethnicity, and gender. If your children are younger than mine, or you are the same age as my grown children, but I am meeting you for the first time—I am not your aunty. What happened to Indian grace, hospitality, and our cultural reverence for the wisdom and experience of age?In the India of my childhood, aunties were privileged and exceptional members of the family.

But amongst English-speaking Indian Americans, the frequent use of “aunty” or “uncle” is more often an example of lazy speech, or a desire to bump the individual in question into the category of doddering older-other, than it is a thoughtful moniker of respect. I attended an art exhibition in the home of an Indian-American couple a few months back. This was clearly an example of “you’re from an older, other world, and I’m still young, and I want to put some distance between us.” Here are some guidelines for the use of the term “aunty” and to prevent against the kind of encounter I’ve just described.

It’s time to honor those friends and family who truly have a hand in shaping our lives.

main Sialkot main Rehta hon aur main MSc Mathematics ka student hun, Ya un dino ki bat hay jab main MSc 1st Year main tha aur meri umer almost 22 Year ki thi....

The woman who answered the door to show me and my companion around said she was the homeowner. If I have not known you when you were a child, and been a part of your life as you learnt and grew—I am not your aunty. I’ve seen what happens when friends’ parents visit from India, all articulate, successful, professional individuals in their own right, most still working adults, some retired perhaps, who nevertheless are made to feel like tag-alongs in the United States.

She was of an indeterminable age, but definitely an adult—and I don’t mean only in a legal sense! We were all adults in a neutral setting, and yet when it was time to leave, the hostess said to me, “Thanks for coming, aunty! If you are an adult with or without furrows on your temples, and our paths have never crossed before—I am not your aunty. Many of these parents insist that they prefer to be “left at home” when asked to accompany their offspring to local dinner functions and are pushed to the “aunty/uncle” section of the room.

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